


Dangerous to Love a Winchester

by SomeNights



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester/Female Reader, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-14 10:01:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19270969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeNights/pseuds/SomeNights
Summary: Reader gets sucked into a whole new world and possibly into the arms of Dean Winchester. Semi slow burn. Work in progress but I've got quite a few chapters already written. Please subscribe, comment and give kudos if you enjoy! Polite criticism welcomed!





	1. Chapter 1

You were no stranger to pain. You felt it every day, emotionally and physically, weighing you down. It never let up, not even in your sleep. The nightmares, waking up with a start every night. The only saving grace was watching movies, TV shows, reading books. Escaping your reality whenever you could.

Until the day when your reality…became something else entirely.

 

You'd been taking your nightly meds, a drawn out regimen. You'd stopped counting at a dozen pills. Everything was normal and suddenly it wasn't. You felt a sort of static electricity in the air, your arm hair raising. The faint smell of ozone hit you and you barely had a chance to think before a light flashed and a figure appeared before you from what looked like a gash in the universe.

“Hi, are you (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N)?”

You stared at him, feeling a tug of familiarity. “Depends on who's asking?”

He smiled, a sweet and innocent grin. “My name is Jack. I'm here to take you home.”

Your chest tightened, and the anxiety rose as an asthma attack hit you. You began coughing and wheezing. This was impossible.

In an instant, he had his arms around you, lowering you to the floor. “Are you all right? What's happening?”

A flash of light and a taller figure in a trenchcoat joined him. “Jack, what's-“ He noticed you and concern filled his blue eyes. “We must hurry, we don't know how long the portal will hold. And she's dying, Jack.”

Swiftly, the taller man whose name you didn't have to ask, lifted you off the floor and into his arms.

“I’m dying?” you wheezed out weakly.

“Only for a moment longer. Let's get you home.”

There was that word again, home. As if they hadn't just appeared in your apartment. You let your head loll against the angel’s shoulder as he moved toward the gash.

You were awake just long enough to see the world change and a pair of green eyes meet yours before passing out.


	2. Chapter 2

You awoke on a couch in a familiar place. You wondered how long you'd been out. If you'd finally gone crazy because what you'd seen should have been impossible.

“You're not crazy.”

The voice made you jump off the couch. Looking at the man who'd spoken, you sucked in a breath.

“Okay so I might throw up,” you said, feeling lightheaded.

“Maybe you should sit back down,” he suggested, walking toward you.

“Yeah…” you muttered, doing as he said. You massaged your temples, willing the world to make sense again. 

“I realize you probably know this judging from your reaction to seeing me, but I'm Dean. Winchester.”

“(Y/F/N) (Y/L/N). I don't mean to be rude but what the actual fuck is going on?”

He chuckled, sitting on the arm of the couch next to you. “Short version? We got word that some demons and other creepy shit were itching to get to your world. Your name got thrown around and we figured we ought to get to you before anything else did.”

You avoided looking at him, your heart in your throat. Things were after you? “Well wouldn’t I have been safer there then? I mean there's no archangels available and they'd have to know the spell anyway. And Jack's too strong to capture and force to open a door.”

He smirked. “Yeah well, it was only safer if you wanted to kick it soon. Turns out, you're actually from our world. And being in that other one so long was slowly killing you.”

You stood up and started pacing, needing to move to keep the panic at bay. “Okay so this is like His Dark Materials. Interesting. How the fuck did I end up in the wrong universe?” You stopped and looked at him, begging him for answers.

“That, I don't know. Sorry. But I'll bet you feel better than you have in years right now.”

Your mind quit racing a moment and you took inventory. Joint pain, gone. Muscle pain, gone. Your asthma should be going crazy right now, and yet, nothing.

Plopping back down on the couch, you sighed. “This is insane.”

“Yeah, that's kinda what we do around here. And listen, you're welcome to stay here. It's not very homey and I get it if you have people you miss over there, but-“

You cut him off. “I don't. No one. There's no one.”

He gave you a long look with those piercing eyes. “Well, maybe that's for the best. Makes it easier.”

He had a point. You nodded. “I just can't believe this is all real.”

“And not as glamorous as that show made it look, trust me.”

You sighed. “You’d be surprised how unglamorous they portrayed it. Okay, so what do I do now?”

He stood up finally and you took in his height. He may have been the shorter Winchester, but he was by no means small. 

“Well, it's late. Everybody else hit the hay. I can show you to your room and we can rest up. You'll be safe here with all the wardings. We can talk more tomorrow.”

You got up from the couch. “Sounds like a plan. Lead the way. Oh, and Dean?”

He raised an eyebrow.

You gave him a small smile. “Nice to meet you.”


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, you woke up to the smell of bacon and eggs. It was relatively easy to find your way to the kitchen by following the delicious scent down the hall.

You stopped in the doorway, seeing Cas, Sam and Jack at the table. You hadn't officially met them, not really, and you admitted to yourself that you were a bit nervous.

Dean was at the stove and spotted you first. “Hey. How'd you sleep?”

You smiled shyly. “Better than I have in a while.”

Sam stood and made his way over to you. “Hey, I'm Sam.”

“(Y/N).” You shook his hand, which was massive.

Cas and Jack also stood up. Jack smiled at you, that same sweet, boyish grin. 

“Hi, (Y/N). I hope you're feeling better. I'm sorry if I scared you.”

“It’s okay, Jack. You technically saved my life. So thank you for that.”

He looked down, smiling bashfully. “It was nothing. We couldn't just leave you there.”

“Lot to go through for little old me, if I'm honest. Not sure why anything would want to come after me in the first place.”

Jack looked confused and glanced at Dean. “I thought…”

Cas interrupted him. “I’m Castiel. But you can call me Cas.” He held out his hand and you shook it.

“Soup’s on, everybody sit down,” Dean called. 

You took a seat next to Sam and across from Jack and Cas. You were curious what Jack had been about to say, but too hungry to push it.

Dean set a plate of eggs, bacon and toast in front of you. “Anything to drink?”

“Just water would be great. Thank you, this looks amazing.”

“Finally, someone who appreciates my fine cooking.” He winked at you as Sam let out a huff of laughter.

You waited for the rest of them to get their food before digging in. Everyone ate in silence for a bit, and you tried not to stare at each one in turn. How the fuck was this suddenly your life?

After a while, you broke the quiet. “So I have to ask…why are the things you mentioned after me? I mean, I'm literally no one.”

Sam and Dean exchanged loaded glances while Cas and Jack focused on their food.

“We…we're not really sure. It's possible you have some ability you haven't discovered yet,” Sam answered.

“My only ability is reading books in record time,” you scoffed. But the thought made you uncomfortable. Everything had changed so much already. You didn't need some freaky powers on top of it.

“I wouldn't worry about it, sweetheart. You're safe in the bunker,” Dean replied, shooting a look at Sam that you couldn’t read.

“Well it's not like I can stay here forever. I have to go outside sometime. And I’m sure you guys don't want me here that long.”

“Hey.” Dean met your eyes. “You are welcome here as long as you wanna stay. Okay?”

You swallowed, overcome with an emotion you couldn't name. “Okay. Thank you.”

He waved you off. “You don't have to keep thanking us. It's all good.”

You returned to your food, your heart in your throat. It had been a good ten years since you'd allowed yourself to get this close to anyone. You just prayed it wouldn't end like last time.


	4. Chapter 4

The boys started looking for cases after breakfast and you busied yourself wandering the bunker. Exploring everything you could, even the hidden dungeon, which gave you a thrill.

Your last stop was the garage. You had to see her.

Baby. The 1967 Chevy Impala you'd been dreaming of, in the flesh. Or metal. Whatever.

You lightly ran your hands along the sleek black frame, literally trembling with excitement. You bit your lip, a smile forming on your face.

You then reached out and opened the driver's side door. You slowly climbed in and shut the door. Breathing in the smell of the leather and gunpowder. You closed your eyes and wrapped your hands around the wheel. Maybe, one day…

You started as a hand rapped on the window. Looking up, you saw Dean grinning down at you. 

“Lunchtime. We'll go for a ride later.” With a wink, he strode away, not seeing the blush that touched your cheeks.

Back in the kitchen, Sam asked if you wanted ham or turkey in your sandwich. 

“Oh, it's okay, I can make my own.”

“All right, I've got everything out and set up.” He motioned at the condiments and made room at the counter for you to get started.

You all chose to eat in the War Room this time. You marveled at the glowing table as you ate. 

Clearing your throat ad you finished up, you glanced around the table. “So did you guys find a case?”

“Yeah,” Sam replied. “Simple salt and burn a few towns over, actually. Should only take a day or two.”

You nodded. “I’m guessing I'm on house arrest for the time being?”

Sam looked over at Dean, who shrugged.

“I mean Jack and Cas will stay with you, so as long as you take them, you should be fine,” Dean told you around a mouthful of food.

“Okay. I hate to do this but I…kinda need some things. Clothes, toiletries…stuff like that.” You looked at them all sheepishly.

“Hey, not a problem, sweetheart. We don't run credit card scams for nothing.” Dean smirked at you.

“Okay, cool. Kinda left everything behind, so.”

“Yeah, we get it. We're happy to help you out,” said Sam.

“God you guys are too nice,” you replied, laughing.

Dean laughed. “Wait until you get to know us.”

You grinned back at him. This was gonna be fun.


	5. Chapter 5

Dean and Sam left after lunch, wanting to get a head start on their new case. 

You asked Jack and Cas to take you shopping and they agreed. Cas drove an old beige car into Lebanon and you looked around at the familiar sights. It all looked the same.

Finding a clothing store, Cas parked and you all went in. Jack gave his opinion whenever you asked. Cas stayed on high alert just in case. 

You decided to stick to functional jeans and t-shirts, plus underwear, socks, bras, shoes, and a leather jacket that was on sale. You even grabbed a few flannels just to really embrace the new aesthetic.

You cringed when Cas paid, but he assured you it was nothing. 

After a few more stops to get you a phone and even a laptop (despite your protests), the three of you stopped at a diner for an early dinner. Having a thought, you grabbed a slice of cherry pie to take back to the bunker for Dean when he returned from the hunt.

Once home, you grabbed a lore book and decided to start studying. You might as well learn all you could, you figured. Cas nodded approvingly. He and Jack went to the gun range to put in some target practice with angel mojo.

Sitting in the library, you admired your surroundings. The place smelled of old books and worn wood. You smiled to yourself. This wasn't a bad place to call home, all things considered. 

You had questions that you weren't sure how to ask, however. Everything seemed so…quiet. And where was Mary? The hunters from Apocalypse World? Jack seemed okay. Seemed to have his soul. Everything seemed good. Did you really want to bring up the fact that in your world, everything had gone to shit on the show?

As those thoughts crossed your mind, you lost your ability to concentrate on the tome in front of you. You sighed, closing the book, and deciding to wander around some more. 

After some time, you heard Cas and Jack talking. You followed the voices and made your way into the gun range. You watched as they took turns launching angel blades at wooden targets. 

As you watched, you suddenly gasped as a sharp pain exploded in your side. Jack and Cas turned and saw you doubled over and ran to you.

“(Y/N), what's wrong?” Cas asked worriedly.

You grit your teeth. “I don't know. I thought this wouldn't happen here!”

“It shouldn't. Jack, try healing her.”

Jack touched your forehead gently as you leaned on Cas for support. Nothing happened. He pulled his hand away.

“I can't. I'm not sure why.” Jack's forehead creased with concern. 

Together they led you to the couch you'd woken up on and Cas called Dean.

“He’s not answering, I'm not sure what to do.” 

“It’s okay, it's not as sharp now. Still hurts like a bitch though,” you replied.

“Well whatever is happening, we will figure it out.”

You nodded. “I know. It's what you guys do.”

Half an hour later, the pain was a dull ache. And Dean finally called Cas back.

Cas answered quickly and put the phone on speaker. “Dean. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, we're a little banged up but we'll live. Why'd you call?”

Cas sighed. “Well, about half an hour ago, (Y/N) began experiencing pain in her side with no apparent cause. Jack was unable to heal her.”

Dean was quiet for a moment. “Which side?”

“The right,” you answered. 

Dean paused, then told Cas to take the phone off speaker.

Cas walked away, making it impossible for you to listen to his side of the call. You were beyond confused. What were they saying? Was it bad? Were you hexed or something?

Hanging up, Cas walked back toward you. “They’ll be home in a few hours. There's some…things that need to be explained. Until then, are you up to eating anything?”

You shook your head, suddenly nauseous at the thought of food. “I think I'll just lay down here until they get back.” Jack helped gently lay you down while Cas grabbed you a blanket. 

You managed to fall in and out of consciousness through the pain. The Tylenol they gave you didn't help at all.

You awoke to the sound of the bunker door closing and voices in the War Room. You groggily pushed yourself into a sitting position and slowly stood. Putting your hand to your aching side, you made your way to the War Room.

Silence fell when you walked in the door. Sam and Dean were a little bloody but didn't look too bad. Except…

Dean was favoring his right side.

You looked at all of them. “What the hell is going on, guys?”

They exchanged looks. 

“Somebody start talking right now or I am walking up those stairs and out that door,” you threatened.

Dean sighed. “Take a seat. It's a lot.”

You gingerly sat down at the war table and leaned back.

Dean sat across from you and refused to meet your eyes.

“Dean,” said Cas. “Would you like me to explain it?”

Dean nodded, eyes on the table.

With a sigh, Cas took the chair next to you.

“It's a rare phenomenon. It happened to Dean and Sam's parents, but it doesn't happen often. A handful of times every century or so. But it's not usually this strong. We were…unprepared.”

“Cryptic much? Just spill, Cas,” you told him.

Cas glanced at Dean and met your eyes. 

“The reason demons and other supernatural creatures are after you, and the reason you're in pain, is that you are Dean's soulmate. You were created by God for each other. And your bond is so strong, you felt Dean's pain when the spirit broke his ribs today.”

Your mouth hung open. “That’s…that's crazy.” You looked at the others who wouldn't meet your eye.

You stood up, your adrenaline forcing the pain to the back of your mind. You began pacing.

“This is insane. This is fucking nuts. There's no way. Me? I'm not important. I'm nothing. I have nothing and no one because that's what's safe. Because people around me, they don't just get hurt.” Tears were streaming down your face now. “They die. They die right in front of me and I don't know what I was thinking staying here this long!”

With that you turned and hurried to your room. You grabbed a backpack you'd bought with Cas and Jack and began shoving clothes into it. You'd known this couldn't possibly last but now…you had to leave. You couldn't let this happen again. Not to him. Not to any of them.

You didn't notice Dean watching you from your doorway.

You finally couldn't see past the tears in your eyes. You sat down heavily on the bed, wincing at the pain in your side. You sobbed, your face in your hands.

“Hey,” Dean said quietly.

You couldn't bring yourself to look at him. You felt him sit on the bed beside you.

“Listen, that stuff you said out there…I just want you to know it's not true. About you being nothing.”

You sniffed. “Yeah, agree to disagree. The rest is. Dean…literally every person I've ever loved has died in front of me. My parents in a home invasion. My friends in high school…that's the reason I have no one. Because it isn't safe to get close to anyone.”

He sighed. “Look, I just want you to know I don't expect anything from you. This soulmate crap, it's whatever. I mean, I'm not the safest person to get close to either. Look at my track record. Charlie, Bobby, my parents. People die in this life. And I don't blame you for wanting to leave. But I'll be honest, you've got a target on your back because of what you are to me. I hate it, but it's true. And that means if you leave, you won't be safe.” You met his eyes. “I’m sorry. I know you didn't ask for this. But ever since I met you…I've got this need inside me. To keep you safe. So I'm asking you to stay. To let me protect you.”

You wiped your tears off your face. “Dean, if anything happens to you guys because of me-”

“If anything happens to us, it'll be because of the life we lead. Not you, sweetheart.”

You looked into his earnest green eyes again. He meant everything he said, and you knew that. And you had no money and nowhere to go anyway.

With a sigh, you nodded. “I’ll stay. I can't make any more promises than that.”

He smiled. “Okay, that's fine. And listen, don't feel any pressure from this, okay? You don't owe me anything.”

“Thank you. And the only thing you owe me is to get Jack to heal you, because my ribs are killing me.”

He laughed at that. “That I can do. Sorry about that.”

“Thank you. I've never felt a broken bone before, that shit sucks.”

Dean laughed again. “Yeah, well, at least I didn't get shot.”

Your mood darkened. “Now that I've felt before.” You looked up at him.

He raised an eyebrow. “You can talk about it if you want.”

You shook your head. “Already told you about my parents. That feels like enough for now. Thanks for everything. I don't know what's gonna happen, but having you on my side…it gives me hope.”

Dean smiled. “Good. I'm glad you're sticking around.”

You smiled back. “Me too.”


	6. Chapter 6

You slept all night after Dean convinced you to stay. True to his word, he must have gotten Jack to heal him because you passed out not long after he left.

You awoke sometime past ten, and laid in bed for a few minutes. Contemplating the insanity of your life. How and why you, of all people, were his soulmate. It made you feel a little sick, actually. Because you knew you weren’t good enough for him. He was a hero.

You were responsible for the deaths of so many people. Dean saved lives. So had you, but…not enough to make up for the ones that had been lost.

With a sigh, you threw off your covers. At least now you knew what everybody clearly already had. No more unreadable glances. 

Of course, you still had your secrets. And that had to end.  
You took a shower quickly and dressed, the weight in your stomach begging you to hurry.

You found everyone in the library, luckily. Easier to get it out all at once. 

“Hey guys."

They all turned to look at you. Jack gave you sweet smile.  
“How are you feeling today, (Y/N)?” he asked.

“Better. Still a little overwhelmed, but I think that's to be expected.”

“Yeah, of course,” Sam said. “Well we're glad you're sticking around.”

“Thanks, so am I.”

Dean looked at you with a small smile. “If you’re hungry, I'd be happy to make you something.”

“Actually, I was wondering if we could go into town? Just you and me. Go to the diner. Maybe take the Impala?” You couldn't help the excitement in your voice.

He chuckled. “Of course. You wanna head out now?”

“Actually…” you said slowly, taking a seat. “I need to talk to you all about something. I've noticed some pretty glaring differences between here and the show.”

“Like what?” asked Cas.

“Well, in the end of season 14, God killed Jack and released a horde of zombies on you.” You bit your lip.

Dean shook his head. “God’s a dick, but we haven't seen him since he went off with Amara for some sibling bonding time.”

“So the Darkness happened. What about…what about your mom?”

Sam and Dean looked at each other, confused. “What about her? She's been gone for years,” Sam replied.

“Okay, so Amara didn't decide to thank you by bringing anyone back from the dead?”

“She brought back Bobby,” Jack supplied.

“Oh!” you said in surprise. “And did you open up a portal to another world when you were born?”

“Yeah, that's how we lost Cas and Crowley and locked Lucifer up,” Dean replied.

“And Jack never lost his soul! Thank goodness. Okay, cool. That's it, then!”

They all stared at you. You smiled and turned to Dean.

“Now, how about that ride?”

 

You and Dean drove along in the Impala with the windows down. You had your eyes closed, just listening to the thrum of the engine and feeling the wind in your hair.

“Enjoying yourself?” Dean asked from the driver's seat.

“You have no idea. I've literally had dreams about this car.”  


He laughed. “She is pretty special.”

“And one of a kind,” you added. “Like the Legos in the vents and your initials in the door.”

Dean gave you a considering look.

“What?” you asked with a laugh.

He shook his head. “Nothing, just kind of amazed that you knew that.”

“The show goes in depth on some things. Still can't believe I'm living it now instead of just watching it.”

You finished the drive in a comfortable silence, arriving at the diner ten minutes later. Dean opened the diner door for you and you almost blushed as you thanked him. You sat in a booth and ordered some coffee and pancakes, while Dean ordered some strawberry pie.

As you ate, Dean watched you. 

“Aren’t you gonna eat?” you asked.

“Yeah, sorry, it's just…” he answered, unsure.

“Just what? Don't leave me hanging, Winchester. Let's keep the honesty thing going.”

He grabbed his fork. “I don't know, I just…I like watching you. And that's not creepy as hell, I know.”

You laughed. “Dean, I watched you on TV for 14 years. I think some quid pro quo is fine.”

He laughed with you. “Yeah, good point.”

You both ate for a while, commenting on how good the food was. When Dean finished his pie, he laced his fingers together on the table.

“So,” he began.

“So.”

“Why'd you wanna come out just the two of us? If we're being honest,” Dean said with a smirk.

You thought for a moment. “I guess because I wanted to get to know you? I mean, I know things about you from the show, but that's different than knowing you. And with this whole 'made for each other' thing…I don't know, I'm probably not making much sense. But you said that you had that need in you. Well, I guess I have a need to…to be…near you.” You were embarrassed now and couldn't meet his gaze.

He paused for a moment, and then reached across the table to place his hand over yours. A spark of electricity seemed to zap both of you, and you pulled your hands back.

“What the hell?” you exclaimed.

“And the weirdness continues,” he said, almost amused. 

You looked at each other and something seemed to pass between you.

The waitress came by with your check, breaking through the moment. Dean handed her his card, not taking his eyes off you. You felt your face burning, even as you stared right back.

Dean put on some classic rock on the drive home. It made you feel calmer somehow, even though it was ridiculously loud.

You kept glancing at his right hand, sitting on his lap. You knew you shouldn't, but you were curious. You just couldn't help yourself. Hesitantly, you reached out and took his hand in yours.

Almost on autopilot, Dean laced his fingers through yours. You sucked in a sharp breath. Never had a touch from another person felt so…right.

He was looking between you and the road now, a question in his eyes. You gave him a small smile and scooted a little closer.

Returning your smile, he moved his attention back to the road. And you stayed that way, all the way back to the bunker.


	7. Chapter 7

The next day, you rolled out of bed early with an idea. A scary, awesome idea.

You decided to make some French toast for everyone. Gathering the ingredients, you turned on your laptop and started playing some of your favorite songs.

Humming along to Walking in Memphis by Marc Cohn, you cooked the first few pieces, excited to see what the guys thought of your cooking. You had added extra cinnamon like always, and a touch of vanilla for extra sweetness.

Wiggling your hips playfully to a faster song, you turned to go wake everyone and almost ran right into Dean.

“Whoa there! You good?” he asked, steadying you.

“Yeah,” you said, a little breathlessly. “I was just about to wake everyone. I made French toast.” You went to your computer and shut off your music.

“Well it smells amazing. You go wake the sleeping beauties and I'll set the table.”

You nodded and smiled. “Sounds good, thanks!”

After pounding on three separate doors, you made your way back to the kitchen to see Dean already digging in.

You put your hands on your hips. He shrugged.

“Like I said, amazing,” he said with his mouth full.

You shook your head and giggled. “It’s the vanilla and extra cinnamon.”

Sam, Cas and Jack joined you then, thanking you for cooking breakfast. You waved them off, replying that they'd done so much for you and it was nothing.

The boys all complimented you on the meal and you smiled widely. It was nice cooking for others and not just yourself.

After, breakfast, you asked everyone to meet in the War Room.

“I hope this isn't about more surprises from the show,” Dean joked.

“No,” you replied as they sat down. “This is about me, actually.”  


You took a deep breath.

“While I love the bunker, I can't help but feel like I could contribute more. I'm stronger and healthier here. I used to run track in high school before I got sick. I know I'm out of shape, but…I was wondering if I could start training.”

Sam sat forward. “To be a hunter?”

You nodded.

“No. No way. Not happening,” Dean responded, face serious.

“What? But why not?” you asked him, confused.

“Because it's dangerous! You could get killed!”

“So could you!” you shot back. “But I would never ask you not to hunt.”

“That’s different, I've had years of training.”

“And I'm not begging to go right into the field, am I? You guys can train me. I know plenty of lore already and I'm fast. I'd be good at this.”

Dean shook his head. “I don't like it, (Y/N). You've got things after you and that will put you right in the line of fire.”

“It’s not like I'd go alone, idjit, I'd be with you and Sam!”

Dean slammed his fist on the war table and stood. “The answer's no,” he growled, before stalking off.

You gaped. Where had all that come from? “Sam. Please tell me you don't agree with him.”

He shifted uncomfortably. “Well, he's got a point.” Your shoulders fell. He raised his hand. “But. So do you. Inasmuch as I think you should know how to defend yourself. I'll talk to Dean. We can start later if you want. Let's all just take a breather right now.”

Sam got up and left the room. Jack came over to you and put his hand on your shoulder.

“For what it's worth, I think you'd be a great hunter.”

You smiled sadly as him. “Thanks, Jack. I appreciate that.”

Then Cas approached you, understanding in his eyes. “I get how you're feeling. Perhaps by training and showing Dean what you're capable of, you may change his mind. You deserve to feel like you serve a purpose. This is your life now too. I believe Dean is simply afraid of losing you.”

“Yeah, yeah, because I'm his soulmate.”

He nodded. “That, and he happens to care about you. I should tell you, (Y/N), that being soulmates does not automatically mean you will be together or even truly care for each other. It simply means that once you find one another, there is a need created within that only the other can fill. The form of the relationship is up to the persons involved.”

You considered that and thanked him for his insight. Leaving the War Room, you pondered Dean's anger at your request.

You honestly hadn't seen it coming. Maybe reluctance, but not outright rage. What did it mean for the two of you?

Returning to your room, you changed into a sports bra and the leggings you'd been wearing when you arrived at the bunker. Through the door in space. Still not used to that fact.

You passed time playing games and reading the news on your phone, feeling a need to learn about your new universe. Apparently, Pluto was still a planet in this one.

A while later, there came a knock on your door.

“Come in,” you called.

Sam opened the door and smiled at you. “You ready to begin your strictly-for-self-defense training?”

You laughed. “Absolutely.”

Sam went easy on you at first. Testing out what you already knew, correcting your stances. Then he started teaching you simple hand to hand combat.

It was a workout. You were sweating right away, more out of shape than you'd realized. Asthma and debilitating pain had made exercise almost impossible.

Here, you felt like you finally had a chance to lead a somewhat normal life. No more constant doctor appointments or daily medications to keep the pain at bay. Here, you felt okay. For the first time in a long time, you felt like an actual person.

Sam started moving a little faster, making him impossible to hit. Jesus, he knew what he was doing. He blocked you at every turn, swatting your punches away like they were nothing.

Finally, after a couple of hours, Sam said it had been enough for the day. You gratefully trudged off to get in a shower before lunch and wondered what you would do the rest of the day.

After your shower, you redressed in a flannel and skinny jeans and went to the kitchen to see about lunch. You stopped when you heard voices.

“Dean, I'm just making sure she can fight if she has to.”

“No, you're encouraging her. She's gonna think she can actually do this.”  


“Well maybe she can.”

You smiled at that.

“Sam, no. Not her. She can't. I…I can't. I don't know how to explain it, but the thought of anything happening to her knocks the wind out of me.”

Sam paused before replying. “Why don't you just tell her that, Dean?”

“Because I suck at this, all right? This touchy feely crap. I've never known how to do it. I didn't mean to get so pissed earlier. I just kind of…panicked.”

“You’re lucky she didn't leave after that display, man. What if she thinks you think she can't do it? That she isn't good enough?”

You heard Dean sigh. “I didn't mean it like that. I'm sure she'd be a great hunter. I just don't think I can handle it.”

There was silence and you took that moment to enter the kitchen, pretending like you hadn't heard a word.

“Hey guys! What's for lunch?”

“Hey sweetheart. Sent Jack and Cas to grab some pizza, that okay with you? We got a few different kinds,” Dean told you.

“Yeah, sounds good,” you replied.

You sat at the table and became lost in thought at what you'd heard. The fact that Dean seemed so worried for you made you feel weird…warm and fuzzy, almost. But at the same time, you knew hunting was what you were meant to do with your life. Like it all had been leading to this.

You just hoped that you'd be able to convince Dean of that.


	8. Chapter 8

Three weeks later, you and Dean were still arguing over you wanting to become a hunter.

You even made him watch you fight Sam, and with your speed, you had gotten pretty good. Then you'd asked if maybe, in a month or so, you could tag along on a salt and burn.

That's what started the yelling.

“For the last time, (Y/N), no!”

“I don't know if you're aware of this, Dean, but you're not actually the boss of me! I'm a grown woman, damn it!”

He turn to face you in the library. “My hunt, my rules. It's not gonna happen, sweetheart.”

You poked him in the chest. “Don’t you 'sweetheart' me, Winchester. I'm sitting on my ass doing nothing here when I could be out saving lives!”

“You help with research, why isn't that enough?”

“Because we both know I have the skills to do more! I'm being wasted here, Dean! Just because I'm your stupid soulmate doesn't mean I have to follow your orders!”

Dean laughed humorlessly. “Whatever. We're done here.”

With a huff, you turned and stormed to your room, slamming the door like a teenager. You flopped on your bed and screamed into your pillow.

Then, making up your mind, you grabbed your laptop and started researching. You'd find a milk run, sneak off and handle it, and prove to stupid, gorgeous Dean Winchester that you were a hunter, goddamnit.

You managed to find a restless spirit in Iowa. That night, you crept to the garage and considered which car you were going to 'borrow'. Knowing how pissed it would make him, you reluctantly passed up the chance to drive Baby, and stole an old Sedan from the 70s.

You hit the road, eye on your GPS. You'd thought to erase your history on your laptop. You hoped they couldn't track you with your phone, but you weren’t actually sure. Hopefully, you'd have enough time to get the job done before they searched for you. Could Cas or Jack find you? You couldn't remember. But you were pretty sure they would take your side anyway.

You made your way into Mason City, Iowa, and found the Key Apartments easily. A newscaster named Jodi Huisentruit had gone missing in '95, and apparently she'd died near her apartment. You had the number, it was vacant, and you'd stolen a set of lockpicks from Dean. Not that you'd ever picked a lock before, but hey, on the job training, right?

Heading into the building, you tried to look like you belonged there. It took you a minute, but you found the apartment, and grabbed the lockpicks.

It took you ages, but you almost jumped for joy when the door clicked open. Closing it behind you, you looked around the empty space.

“Jodi?” you called. You had your shotgun (well, a shotgun) at the ready with rock salt. Sam had been showing you how to shoot and you weren't bad.

The air turned cold and you saw your breath.

“Jodi,” you continued, “I’m sorry for what happened to you. But this is your chance, you can move to a better place. The cops are close to solving your case. Whoever hurt you will pay for it.”

A sad, beautiful blonde appeared in front of you.

“Hey,” you breathed. This was your first real life ghost and a thrill of excitement ran through you. “I'm sorry, but this isn't your apartment anymore. You've scared off three renters already. It's gotta end.”

She shook her head. You became nervous. Since she'd disappeared, you had no bones to burn. You'd brought the tools anyway, but if she was just attached to her apartment and unwilling to leave, what was your next move?

“Don’t do this, Jodi. You'll lose your mind if you stay."

Tears began rolling down her face. Your heart hurt for her.

Suddenly, you flew against the wall. Your shotgun dropped from your hand. You struggled to move, but it was no use. 

Your mind raced. At that moment, your phone began ringing. Jodi moved toward you.

“I can't leave,” she whispered. 

“Why?”

“Because he deserves to be punished!” she screamed.

You flew across the room into another wall and dropped to the floor. Your duffle bag lay near the front door and you had an awful idea. If only you could get to it.

“You can't make me leave!” Jodi yelled, stalking toward you. 

You stood up and feinted like you were going for your shotgun. At the last second you made for the left and passed through her. Going into a slide, you grabbed the duffle and unzipped it. You took out a lighter and lighter fluid. As she came for you, you ran, sprinkling lighter fluid as you went. 

Jodi threw you against the wall again and the can dropped. 

You looked into her eyes. “I’m sorry. I'm so sorry, Jodi.” With that, you lit the lighter and threw it. Flames erupted and you felt the hold on you loosen. She looked around her apartment, that sad look back on her face.

“No, please!” she cried.

“You were hurting people. I can't let that happen.” You made your way to the door and picked up the duffle bag. You turned and she met your eyes, looking lost. “It's better where you're going. I promise.”

Her ghostly figure burst into flames. She tilted her face upward and closed her eyes.

And then, she was gone.

After that, you ran back down the hallway and out of the building to your car. With one last look, you hit the road as your phone began ringing again.

You looked at it and sighed. Of course it was Dean. Biting the bullet, you answered it. “Heeey…”

“Are you okay?”

You were taken aback. You'd expected more yelling. “Yeah, I'm good. Got thrown into a few walls, but I’m all right.”

“Thank fuck,” he breathed. “Where are you? We haven't put a tracker on your phone and Cas and Jack won't tell me.”

“I'm on my way back, you don't have to worry.”

“Don’t have to-” He growled. “You disappear to God-knows-where without a word and three weeks of training, and you're telling me not to worry?”

“I had it handled, Dean,” you said with irritation. “Not like you and Sam don't get knocked around on hunts!”

“She has a point, Dean,” you heard Sam say.

“Thank you, Sam,” you said appreciatively.

“That being said, it was still reckless,” he added.

“Proved myself though, didn't I?” you challenged.

“Just get your ass back here,” Dean said hotly.

“Yeah, whatever.” And with that, you hung up. This should be fun, you thought.

You turned on your GPS and headed back to Lebanon, ready for a fight.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for description of a school shooting.

It was dark by the time you reached the bunker. Pulling into the garage, you parked and sighed as you saw Dean appear in the doorway.

You climbed out of the car and shut the door. Steeling yourself, you walked toward him.

You stopped in front of him, waiting for him to make the first move.

You were shocked when he reached out and pulled you into a tight hug. For a moment, you didn't move, too confused as to what was happening. Finally, you wrapped your arms around him and closed your eyes.

“I'm sorry,” you whispered.

“Yeah, me too,” he murmured.

After a beat, you pulled apart. You gave him a small smile. “Truce?”

“One condition,” he said, pointing a finger at you. “Never do that again.”

You laughed, relieved. “Deal.”

Leading you back into the bunker, he asked you about the hunt.  


“Well I hoped I could convince her to go since her body was never found. But that was a non-starter,” you explained.

“So what did you do?”  


“I, uh, kinda set the apartment on fire?”

Dean stopped and looked at you before bursting into laughter.  


“Guys,” he said, entering the library. “She set an apartment on fire!”

Sam smiled. “Atta girl!” He grabbed you and hugged you.

Parting, you smiled at Jack and Cas. “Thanks for having my back, guys.”

“You're welcome. Dean was very worried, but Cas said you needed this,” Jack replied.

“I did, I really did.”

“Of course, if Dean felt any significant pain through your bond, we would have come immediately,” Cas added.

“I appreciate that. So?” You looked at Dean. “What's the verdict?”

Dean sighed. “One more month of training-”

“Yes!” You pumped your fist in the air.

“And you follow our lead. And if we say a hunt is too dangerous, no arguing.”

You nodded excitedly. “That's fine! I'm totally down! Thank you so much, Dean!” You wrapped your arms around his middle in a tight squeeze. “You won't regret this!”

He chuckled and patted your back. “I better not.”

That night, dinner was homemade macaroni and cheese with garlic bread. Something your dad used to make, one of the few things you remembered about your parents. You had been only three when they died.

You mentioned this and everyone nodded in understanding. They thanked you for cooking again and dug in.

“So, what was your life like in the other world?” Jack asked innocently.

You paused. “Well, I spent a lot of time alone. At least since high school.”

“I’ve never been to school. What was it like?”

“Jack,” Dean warned.

“No, Dean, it's okay.” You took a deep breath. “I had some really close friends in high school. It was the happiest time of my life for a while.”

“What were their names?”

You held up a hand to stop Dean before he could interrupt. “First, there was Tate and Dylan. Then I met a group, Heidi, Jean, Chris and…Jake.” You smiled softly. 

Jack finally seemed to realize he was overstepping. “I’m sorry, you don't have to talk about it.”

“It’s okay. It was long time ago. They're…um. They're all gone now,” you replied with a hint of sadness.

Jack looked confused. “All of them?”

“Yeah, it's a long story and not really dinner conversation.”

“I understand. You can talk to me about it sometime if you'd like.”

You smiled and patted his hand. “Thank you, Jack.”

The rest of the meal was spent in companionable silence. You and Dean volunteered for dish duty.

“I’ll wash, you dry?” you offered.

“Deal,” he replied.

You worked quietly for a bit, stealing glances at Dean. 

“So,” you began.

“So,” he repeated. “What happened to your friends?”

You snorted. “Way to beat around the bush, Dean.”

“What? Look, way I figure it is you've been alone since then. Which means you've probably never talked about it with anyone. And that ain't healthy, believe me. I mean, who better to tell?” He raised an eyebrow.

You sighed. “It's not a pretty story, Dean.”

“I've got plenty of those.” He paused. “You're not gonna scare me away, sweetheart.”

You met his gaze and thought about it. You cleared your throat.  


“I met Tate and Dylan junior year. I was in my seventh foster home and they talked to me before anyone else did. We were the screw-ups, the ones who skipped school and did drugs and drank and stayed out late. Tate had a stepdad before I met him who'd really messed him up. He was already suicidal.”

Dean sucked in a breath. He didn't like where this was going.

“Me, Dylan and Tate's mom started taking shifts watching him. Tate's mom couldn't afford to keep him in lock up for his protection. She was a nurse and one night it was my shift. She waited for me, but I was late. And I was late because I'd met Jake.”

You realized you'd stopped washing dishes. You looked at Dean and he motioned for you to keep going.

“It was a small town and Jake and his friends were volunteer EMTs. I'd never met anyone like him. He was so kind and generous and giving. He made me want to be a better person. We were making out at my house when Tate cut his wrists.”  


You took a steadying breath before going on. “I went to his house and found him. His mom didn't blame me, said he would have found a way. But Dylan did. He wouldn't even look at me after that. That was summer before senior year. I decided to throw myself into my new group of friends. I started volunteering too, started getting my grades up and moving on. But Dylan…he couldn’t.” You took in a shaky breath. “It was a rainy day in October when the shooting started.”

Dean closed his eyes and almost swore. No wonder you hadn't wanted to tell him.

“I was in fifth period math with Chris when we heard the first shots. The school went into lockdown immediately. Chris and I shared this look and we just knew. We had to do something. We ran out of the room before our teacher could stop us.”

He stared at you, disbelief in his eyes. “How old were you?”

“18.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“Yeah, well. It wasn't just me, it was all of us. We met up in the senior hallway where we always hung out. I remember almost crying when I saw Jake. Just throwing my arms around his neck. Then we all split up, following the sounds of gunfire at a distance. I must have treated a dozen classmates by the time I met up with Jake and Chris again. We were all covered in blood and exhausted, but we knew we couldn't stop. Then we rounded a corner and there he was, holding an assault rifle.”

“Dylan?” Dean asked.

You nodded. “He had tears streaming down his face. He just asked me why. Why did I choose them? Why did I let him die? I tried to apologize, to talk him down, but he just shook his head and said it was too late. And he started shooting. We were all hit. Through the haze, I saw him shoot himself last. And then I watched Chris and Jake die.” Finishing the last dish, you handed it to him and wiped your hands on a towel. “So that's my tragic story.”

“Wow.” Dean shook his head. “That’s…that's so fucked up. I'm sorry.”

“Yeah, well, you move on, but you never forget.”

“Ain’t that the truth.”

You wiped your eyes and tried to push away the images. “37 people died, mostly teenagers who had no hand in Tate's death. Heidi and Jean were among them. I walked away with these.” You rolled up your right t-shirt sleeve and showed him two bullet scars. “I used to think I got lucky, but Dylan was a really good shot. I don't think he really wanted to kill me. Hurt like hell, but now it just aches when it rains.”

“Listen,” Dean began, putting down the last dish. “That wasn't on you. You need to know that.”

“If I hadn't been late-”

“(Y/N).” Dean gently took your hand. “Tate’s mom was right. People in that mindset find a way. And Dylan took that gun to the school. Not you. You didn't pull the trigger. And sounds to me like you saved some lives.”

“A few. Not enough.”

“It never feels like enough. Sometimes, you feel so bogged down by the bad, you think nothing good you do matters. But it does, sweetheart. You hear me?”

You sighed. “I hear you. Might take me a while to believe it.”

“Hey, I'll take it.”

You stood there for a minute, Dean's thumb running across the back of your hand. It felt unexpectedly intimate. Not sexual, just…intimate. In a way you'd never felt before. Not even with Jake.

Just then, Sam walked in and cleared his throat. “Sorry if I'm interrupting something.”

You gently pulled your hand away and the two of you turned to Sam.

“All good, Sammy. What's up?” Dean asked, leaning against the counter.

“Think I caught us a case. Sounds like a shifter in Arkansas.”

“Great, my favorite. All right, I'll pack a bag and we can head out in the morning.”

“Sounds good.” Sam smiled slightly before looking between you and leaving.

“Well,” you muttered. “That wasn't awkward at all.”

“Just call it the Winchester Perfect Timing.” Dean winked at you before heading out of the kitchen.

You leaned against the counter for support. Since when did a wink from Dean turn you legs to Jell-O?


End file.
